Eight varieties of biscuit and numerous cups of tea later, I can safely say I am an experienced dunker. The investigations have led me through layer after layer of bottom of the cup biscuit sludge, onto the euphoria of a perfectly soaked biccie; all this accompanied by a good dosage of laughing. Like a box of toy soldiers, each biscuit has its own character and an emotion, for instance, you don’t often find a jammie dodger sitting next to your morning tea. This all makes it very hard to judge these splendid treats and whilst some of you may disagree with my views, here are the highs and lows.
The chocolate hobnob, need I say anymore? Just how on earth such an unbelievable biscuit came into existence is baffling; the inventors are true geniuses. This bad-boy is so dedicated to the job that the gloop left behind in a breakup is nearly as tasty as the biscuit itself. Then there’s the mighty chocolate digestive, the sweet custard/bourbon creams, the jolly jammie dodgers, the delicate ginger nuts and the yummy cookies. In fact, they are all worthy dunkers, except for that is, the lonely jaffa cake, who has no friends. Whist I cannot criticise the ingenuity and architecture of these space invaders, like a city-pigeon, they are definitely not dunkers.
There may, however, be a reason for the jaffa cakes apparent loneliness, let’s take a trip back to 1991. Back then McVitie’s were challenged by Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise over a tax dispute on jaffa cakes and the case ended up before the courts. Under UK law, no VAT is charged on biscuits and cakes, although the tax is applied to biscuits of the chocolate covered variety. McVitie’s maintained that jaffa cakes were indeed cakes and so the court was soon asking exactly what criteria should separate biscuit from cake. McVitie’s argued that whilst biscuits go soft when stale, cakes should go hard and a giant jaffa cake was shown to the court to demonstrate that jaffa cakes are simply miniature cakes. Next, McVitie’s showed the Tribunal that jaffa cakes go hard when stale and with other factors in mind, McVitie’s won the case and VAT is not paid on jaffa cakes. Wrongly categorised, I owe the jaffa cake an apology.